Dear Dad

A withered rose has lost its structure

Its value and lust,

That same rose once brought passion

and awe with its beauty,

It was appreciated by the eyes

But what did it do for the heart?

You see its not how we look at things

Its about how we feel things,

Our connection, our understanding

The lasting impression you left on my life

Was inevitable

Sometimes I want to hate you

But like that rose 

I must recollect what it once was

To the eye

And what it has done to my heart

I can’t say I love you because 

Your daughter’s not weak

I thought I knew what a man was

But all i knew was you

The frail rose blows with the wind

No strength no will

Just fucking helpless

It looks how it feels

I’d never shed a tear for you

I’ve watched you get to this point

So many times I needed a Dad not a friend

If you weren’t satisfied inside you should’ve

Curled up and been faded 

At least you would have came real

Fuck roses

Love

Dear J:
Does anyone really know what love is? Well when I say that word it reflects an indescribable feeling. It brings an overwhelming happy feeling. Love is unconditional so if you sit there and describe why you love someone, your putting a condition on it because if that person didn't posses that or if they lose that you won't love them. So let love be free don't limit its to definition, but don't exceed its use because then it deteriorates from its worth. We don't know how to love but we do it everyday whether we want to or not. Life's to short not to love; so if you love someone don't hesitate to let them know, even if you just think you love them just let them know. Its the simple things that bring us to this feeling; the fact that your mom is by your side no matter what you do, or is it that guy who notices you changed the colour on your toes, or maybe your bestfriend whose shoulder is constantly soaked from your tears, whoever or whatever it is it falls under love. In Gr.9 my religion teacher told me love is an act not a feeling, that bitch is stupid because unless she can give me a name for the way I felt when I looked into a niggers eyes I'm not to sure I'm with her on that. I love my boy J and I wrote this for him because I honestly feel like I haven't been able to motivate myself either. Just when that feeling came over me I notice the people around me who read me like a book, threw their arms out; when you open up to certain people the respect level climbs and just when you thought you were alone in this world they are right there beside you trying to uplift you. Why? Love. Love is the only thing stronger than money it takes a wise person to understand that. But for now I'm out.

What's the purpose of signs? Because I thought they were suppose to be read. Okay better question, what are the purpose of signs if you are intentionally going to make your words contradict your actions? The mystery keeps me hanging on I won't lie, but I'd just like to hear it. I've been here before, and last time I was here I stayed too long then fucked it up; I fucked it up intentionally. Someone's waiting for someone to stop the bullshit. I don't show signs I just keep it to myself, the best poker face in the game, I don't see the point...maybe you don't either. Maybe you understand the concept of the line, there's nothing wrong with walking on it just don't cross it. Maybe I'm just wrong and it's all me. Why the fuck am I over thinking this. This is stupid of me. On another note I've been sober for some time now and it's not so bad.

Single

Aside from not having body heat in my bed, what am I missing? I honestly get affection, I get sex, and I have someone to bitch too when I feel crumy...I am so confused about what a relationship is, sorry I meant being in one. I've met 5 people to date who are okay with their partners messing with other people as long as there is a justification...---> O_o *my face*....am I old school? Last time i checked the only time it was okay to cheat was if you were okay with the consequence of me leaving you. I've assisted cheating men in my past because I was put under the illusion that they were single but no...they were just cheating, openly cheating; they were more comfortable with telling their girl we were fucking than telling me that they were taken. Who makes the rules anyways though? Maybe I'm wrong and they're right. Maybe there is no wrong or right, all I know is that I'm three years into my lonesome lovely relationship and I feel happy single.

Breathe In, Breathe Out

Some days are easier than others....but the rough days seem to drag me by my foot n scrape my forehead...literally. I get so high on life that when I crash I crash hard. WTF it was just yesterday I was sitting on top of the world, how the fuck did I get back here? I've been used....constantly used, been to stupid to realize it. I've seen it happen to others and I've said I can't relate, while preaching this, its happening to me in another way. No more drinking for me to ease my thoughts, I'm just going to sit through it. I'm going to sit beside myself and evaluate, a little conversation. I can't keep relapsing when it comes to people because I find my frustration level rises, I black listed them for a reason. Too many chances! We are all hypocrites whether we believe it or not, but that doesn't mean that its okay. We can't just sit here satisfied with that. I need a purge. When you throw everything out without even looking, just throwing and throwing.......I'm going to take a deep breath and throw

THE GREAT CONVERSATION

*Dah dah dah* SEX!!! It never fails that sex is the conversation that boys and girls can't wait to get to, it's like no one has regards to time or location when it comes to that! Dinner table, car, stroll in the park for crying out loud, let's just get that soft mushy stuff out the way and get to sex. I love hearing the feedback from both parties, I love the fact that some people don't understand we all want different things, and of course NO ONE in these conversations are bad at sex. No one has a small dick, no one sucks dick, no one cuddles, and no one goes less than 25mins...nope never fails. I love the part where guys talk about hitting the G spot and how many girls they've made squirt and how my dudes aren't doing me right. I'm not going to lie that's how conversation gets exciting yet awkward, because after talking about sex where does conversation go after "So how about them blue jays?".... It pretty much has to enter an awkward stage until something half as interesting can be thought of...Sex makes for a great conversation

Its me again

Is it really time to start dating? I'm bad at these things; I actually excel in getting rid of guys. I don't understand why I don't want anyone, I think it's the fear of losing the ones I already have. I can't tell one guy to stop calling me after we've been running so well, I can't tell another guy he can't check me even when intentions are good....Relationships come with risks that I'm not ready for. The potential I see and some doesn't seem to get far; I mean the dudes I really vibe with I don't want what we have to be ruined by a relationship. I don't even feel like its trust issues, I want to call it dedication issues. I don't even like talking about this shit its gets sticky and confusing. I don't know why or how I lead people on. Hopefully shit works itself out, I wouldn't mind another sexy single birthday, but how long can I run?

1....2...3

Have you ever made a decision with NO second guessing involved; I think they call it gut instinct....well that is what's carrying me right now. I haven't been down, I've been fucked over heavy this week, but definitely not down. I'm trying everything to avoid the point of stress/downage because its definitely not good for the soul. On another note I went to a party and the host through something out there that actually was intellectual as drunk as he was; he sed "some of you are here because your relationship has turned into more of a routine". That statement really made me think, like is that when your relationship because the brother and sister relationship lol....damn that sucks....n e ways this was just a pop in... I wrote a good piece the other day bu I was so drunk I prolly didn't post it

Sigh

This weekend should be called MEN because that's what it was full of. Am I complaining? Hell no; it was a beautiful thing. I like to flirt a bit, but don't we all. I've had two on my mind for some reason or another...maybe cuz i haven't had dick in so long that's all i can think about.....*sigh* pitiful. I'm not the greatest listener but if you show me something real I have no other option but to listen. I seem to have an intimidating persona when it comes to these guys, they come on strong but then don't follow through....u know what I say to that NEXT...show me what separates u from the rest, its not enough to stand on the sidelines n expect action...on another note I haven't fulfilled any of my sexcapades *sad face* signing off

Oldy but Goody

So I bumped into an old friend of mine...he was a little more than that. Its nice to see that he was doing so well, he looked graceful and he's well stacked (no gold digger). His charm didn't fade he still has that stupid attitude but the courtesy and all a that was still there. Conversation was flowing like we were walking down the block just yesterday; he didn't forget a thing and neither did I. We had a lot of unfinished business...not sure if we're going to finish it. I'm screaming that I'm not ready to take it to any level with anyone, but that's just inside. I trust him and he's different from what I've been dealing with. For instance the guy I met in Feb reminds me of my lover...I have a love hate relationship with that dude so I'm not really trying to go that route, this dude was always different. He walks with his confidence on his forehead and we have intellectual conversations, and....fuck it I'm just jonesin'. I've been single for three years and haven't fucked in a while this type of shit gets me excited bare with me lol...Nothing like an oldy but goody..

The Man in my Life

What defines a man? Its obvious everyone has their own idea of what a man is. Mine is someone who's there when most needed and satisfies the emptiness with in me. I have that and maybe that's why I'm so happy being single. I don't have to worry about the one giving mixed messages trying to make me fall for him just so he can feel more boosted than he obviously already is; I can talk to him daily and still keep my heart in that same cage it stays in, I've already played this game before. I don't have to worry about the one who doesn't know his identity and is heavily self conscious about himself therefore always hops on the defense, and following that comes to the realization that every time he tries to hurt me he hurts himself. No I don't worry. I have a man in my life. He doesn't even speak, he communicates with me through my body and makes me feel ways I've never felt, the good times are good, and the bad times don't exist. To the guys I talk to...I don't need the lies, I don't need your comfort, most importantly I don't need you! I have a man in my life.

...Not so happy realization

Today was as grey as the sky was...I couldn't help but think; a feeling can alter overnight. You know what, maybe it wasn't overnight, maybe it just came to my attention today, I mean like really struck me. I've been constantly ignoring my relationship with people and started concerning myself with accepting them for who they are if that makes and sense to you. Let me break it down a bit. I've been preaching to others that they need to understand that's just how that person is and that's just who they are and you just have to accept it. The reality is that you don't. The same people that I defend with the whole "acceptance for who they are" argument have undeniably been the same ones who I've had a hard time coping with, and what I'm holding onto is a friendship/relationship that "was". I know longer share that bond with them, we no longer have the same morals, shit, we can't even see eye to eye; but silly me, I forgot that in order to fly higher you have to drop weight. Now that I've accepted them for who they are and they still bug the hell out of me every step of the way its time I distance the relationship we have. The argument would be "why don't I just work on it?" well this is their character and the person who they are inside gets on my last nerve so there isn't much to work on. Friends are now acquaintances. Sorry to say.

I'm so confused

The argument of conforming is debatable, agreed; but when you literally sit there and pursue a whole fucking lifestyle based off of people you see on television who you don't know its actually disgusting. Waka Flocka can't even read properly but has convinced guys to put on fake dreads so they can wave them around? Wiz khalifa and Chris Brown put blonde in there hair so that was added to the acceptance list. I seen 16 girls with Rihanna's shoulder tattoo and countless with her shocking red hair. Dudes have tattoos literally from head to toe, special thanks to Khalifa Wayne and Ross. Girls predominantly wear wigs/lacefronts and are pronouncing themselves as a "bad bitch" shout out to Nicki. Black people... we need help, our community needs help. No one wants education they want Maybach's and fat asses. The gay community has risen up overnight that's another trend that sickens me to my stomache, being gay is not cool don't fucking do it to be cool there are actually people in this world who are really homosexual you are insulting them! Oh how can I forget crack cocaine; its the new trending thing to "joke" about it....no these artists actually take it. The media promotes population control so any music preaching about drugs, guns, money and sex shall flourish because people are dying for these lifestyles literally. The black people need to take a lesson from the Jewish; black people are the strongest in the world, 3 generations of slavery and were still here. They can't physically kill us so they try to do it mentally, don't let them win.

I remember that night

Thank God we used a condom

Everything was right

But thank God we used a condom

Those soft sweet lips tracing the pulse of my neck, don’t think I’ve felt better yet

But thank God we used a condom

You whispered things I’ve never heard, felt passion flow through you every word

But thank God we used a condom

My legs shivered uncontrollably, the intimacy, you just holding me

But thank God we used a condom

I yearned for you deeper, you constantly made me weaker

But thank God we used a condom

You caressed me as we laid, this was the type of loving that made time fade

...Thank God we used a condom

This loving was so good it had to be shared

Thank God we used a fucking condom

It was true everything I feared

Thank God we used a fucking condom

I wasn’t the only women you went inside, your penis had to much pride

Thank God we used a fucking condom

The black book was used so much it was worn out, found out about the other bitches you tore out

Thank God we used a fucking condom

How many kids do you have now? When were you going to tell me this is how it goes down?

Thank God we used a fucking condom

You weren’t about to burn me, you weren’t about to hurt me

Thank God we used a fucking condom

You told me we didn’t need it and it felt better without, little did you know how much I loved myself

Thank God we used a condom because I would be laying right beside you, kicking myself for the obvious I should’ve knew

A short period of pleasure is not worth what you are now going through

Call me conceited...

I'm going to allow you to acknowledge how cocky I am. Realistically speaking I can make anyone fall in love with me, I think its the spell of the Scorpio. Its just something I'm good at. I'm so good at reading people that I know how to get inside their head, I don't even do it on purpose anymore it just happens. "They just want to sleep with you" yadda yadda yadda WE OFF THAT! Waste dudes get weeded out early. My alias alone demands respect "Miss Mullings" don't wear it out. When you're single you need: a man to talk to late nights, a man to take you out, a man to crush on, and a man to fuck; you're only job is to make sure all 4 of those are with different men once they start compelling, you got a problem or potentially a man. I enjoy all 3 of mine I love this game and I play it well; still on the hunt for a missing link, but I got a few options I'm not even sweating it.

"Hey you! Its me again!"...that's just how I imagined being able to talk to you but it comes out different. It comes out silent. We are so different but understand each other so well. I want to feel more comfortable with you aside from the intimate level because we definitely got that. I don't want love from you I just want you to acknowledge that thing we both aren't trying to put our finger on. We've ignored it so long it just keeps growing. I remember everything lol trust me, it really seems like yesterday. If we ever become anything less I just want to thank you in advance; no one (including yourself) knows what you saved me from. I personally think its crazy we still talk but you don't judge me nor do you get frustrated with me, you simply listen to my intoxicated ass and mock me because you know exactly how to make me laugh. You'll never know I wrote this because you're not from the same side of the earth as me, you live under this rock lol, but by now you should know all this without me saying it. 

I reminisce

So check it...remember when we were younger and we use to live simple lives; not a care in the world. Life seemed black and white, school and then play. I always thought that when I was 18 I'd live on my own and have a whip and be a big woman. I didn't think I'd have these many burdens and be this confused about my life's path. In this stage I just feel like everyone's tryin to impress everyone, no one really themselves, appearance defines us. When we were younger we had this wild imagination, we didn't really care about what a person possessed but more so who they were and what they meant to us; people impacted us. I know I can never get those times back but the thought makes me chuckle when I'm alone with half a glass of rum.

Made Me Chuckle

So today I wore my hair in an afro and wore a nice long earth tone dress with a cardigan; I was quite covered up but still had a little fly going on. I've sported a style similar to this twice before and the same shit happened. A black man approached me with how he's different from other men because he loves his natural black woman lol. Listen here, you don't give a fuck about my fro you were just tryna get brownie points by pointing out the "natural" look I possess; and "different from other men" *puzzled face* the ones I talk to don't seem to mind so unless you have an extra ball or something just chill. I have to admit it always makes me laugh.

It's Definitely Not Me

Before me is something bigger than me

Unfathomable

The steps I took 

Just don’t add up to its actuality

This is huge

In all honesty

I don’t fucking get it

They say you can’t make nothing out of something

And here this something is

Sitting on my lap

Staring me in my face

Ruining my life

Maybe you see something I don’t

Maybe you know something I don’t

Maybe, if, but, and

I was always into the mystery of a man

But you, yes you my dear

I don’t wanna know shit about

I’ve already walked this road

I’ve already tested this water

Age ain’t nothing but a number?

Well check it, this shit is getting old

Do me a favour

A matter a fact do yourself a favour

Keep the fucking door closed!

Giving In

Giving in 

Its not necessarily a bad thing

Not necessarily a good thing

We all fall guilty of it

Sometimes we try to resist so hard

Because we cannot fathom the consequences

Other times we take it with a feather

Knowing that's what we wanted all along

Well

Its my turn

I'm giving in

I'm prepared for the stabs

I'm prepared for the wounds

I just have to do this 

Just so that I can come to terms with myself

If it doesn't work out in my favour

It was about time I gave in anyway....

One of my Fav's

So lately I've been going to these parties where ballers get lean in VIP with their Gucci shades and they are the attraction....but today was a different day. I love Toronto this is my native land but I was starting to doubt we had any hope left in the party world; the type of party where people dance and just don't give a f#%k, don't care who's looking, don't care who knows. Tonight I met a party from country to reggae from pop to rock, they had it all, didn't even need to get drunk to enjoy this, just good old old school fun. I love Toronto I feel like my city has started to love me back. The diversity I seen tonight was beautiful and for that I'm coming again!!!!

F.Y.I

Ladies, if your man looks like this goof use him for every last fucking penny in his pocket. Do I support gold digging? Not really, I personally would never do it; but when a nigger (hold on) NIGGER hollers at you with a gold mouth and retarded chain he wants you to think he has money. Well since he has so much that he can buy a chain that no one can read, he might as well pay your phone bill. Dress for the job you want. You dress like a fool with money you, are bound to get gold diggers, so give them what they are asking for. If he ain't coughing up the money then he's a puppet show and its onto the next. If he wanted you to love his personality, he would've approached you with it but cleaarrly he chose another route, so don't hesitate to hold back the pussy until you get that lobster and steak dinner.
Yours Truly:)

Hope your with me.....

I'm a happy black woman. Grew up in a single parent-home nothing I'm proud of, nothing I'm ashamed of. Been in love, now I'm not. I like the simple things because in simple ways they mean a lot. I drink excessively don't consider it a problem though. Wore a perm since I was 11, those days are now long gone, no big chop I was to frightened, shout out to COCO though. Party more than I work, talk more than I listen. I come off strong but that's why you love me.....or hate me. 


I believe swag is a word used out of context. Everyone thinks they possess it. So now that you have tatted yourself like Wiz, spent $1500 on that those Christian Boutin's are you satisfied? Some people have the tendency to lose sight of who they are, a wise lady once told me "you can lie to any and everyone, just don't lie to yourself". I love fashion, big up to DENISHA, but its a lifestyle and a hobby; you're suppose to make it your own. Nothing fashionable about Nikki's ass or Chris's blonde hair. These people are so far gone that's why you always end up hearing these type of people resorting to crack. If you makin' that paper bag look good go ahead and rock it.


Some men don't realize women are the ones who give them their power; what would a man be if it wasn't for a woman? Dudes you don't know the impact you have on us emotionally, physically, socially, fuck it anything you can put a -ly on. So why not just try to work with us. Woman aren't easy but your ass isn't either. There's two lanes on this road so fucking treat it like that, I know it goes both ways but I'm speaking from my stand point. You hit a woman that's a man beating your mom, your daughter, your sister. No ones perfect but if you aren't willing to work on yourself, why bother?

Black Women Natural Hairstyles: Natural Updo Hairstyle

Black Women Natural Hairstyles: Natural Updo Hairstyle

1950's

This song got banned back in the early 90's apparently it was too dirty. Guess they would've lynched Travis Porter.

So?

Why does everybody talk about what their great grandmother is mixed with? What's wrong with just being black? Remember good old black? Tightly coiled hair, beautiful chocolate skin, high cheek bones, strong build...no, not good enough?

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.