The Man in my Life

What defines a man? Its obvious everyone has their own idea of what a man is. Mine is someone who's there when most needed and satisfies the emptiness with in me. I have that and maybe that's why I'm so happy being single. I don't have to worry about the one giving mixed messages trying to make me fall for him just so he can feel more boosted than he obviously already is; I can talk to him daily and still keep my heart in that same cage it stays in, I've already played this game before. I don't have to worry about the one who doesn't know his identity and is heavily self conscious about himself therefore always hops on the defense, and following that comes to the realization that every time he tries to hurt me he hurts himself. No I don't worry. I have a man in my life. He doesn't even speak, he communicates with me through my body and makes me feel ways I've never felt, the good times are good, and the bad times don't exist. To the guys I talk to...I don't need the lies, I don't need your comfort, most importantly I don't need you! I have a man in my life.

...Not so happy realization

Today was as grey as the sky was...I couldn't help but think; a feeling can alter overnight. You know what, maybe it wasn't overnight, maybe it just came to my attention today, I mean like really struck me. I've been constantly ignoring my relationship with people and started concerning myself with accepting them for who they are if that makes and sense to you. Let me break it down a bit. I've been preaching to others that they need to understand that's just how that person is and that's just who they are and you just have to accept it. The reality is that you don't. The same people that I defend with the whole "acceptance for who they are" argument have undeniably been the same ones who I've had a hard time coping with, and what I'm holding onto is a friendship/relationship that "was". I know longer share that bond with them, we no longer have the same morals, shit, we can't even see eye to eye; but silly me, I forgot that in order to fly higher you have to drop weight. Now that I've accepted them for who they are and they still bug the hell out of me every step of the way its time I distance the relationship we have. The argument would be "why don't I just work on it?" well this is their character and the person who they are inside gets on my last nerve so there isn't much to work on. Friends are now acquaintances. Sorry to say.

I'm so confused

The argument of conforming is debatable, agreed; but when you literally sit there and pursue a whole fucking lifestyle based off of people you see on television who you don't know its actually disgusting. Waka Flocka can't even read properly but has convinced guys to put on fake dreads so they can wave them around? Wiz khalifa and Chris Brown put blonde in there hair so that was added to the acceptance list. I seen 16 girls with Rihanna's shoulder tattoo and countless with her shocking red hair. Dudes have tattoos literally from head to toe, special thanks to Khalifa Wayne and Ross. Girls predominantly wear wigs/lacefronts and are pronouncing themselves as a "bad bitch" shout out to Nicki. Black people... we need help, our community needs help. No one wants education they want Maybach's and fat asses. The gay community has risen up overnight that's another trend that sickens me to my stomache, being gay is not cool don't fucking do it to be cool there are actually people in this world who are really homosexual you are insulting them! Oh how can I forget crack cocaine; its the new trending thing to "joke" about it....no these artists actually take it. The media promotes population control so any music preaching about drugs, guns, money and sex shall flourish because people are dying for these lifestyles literally. The black people need to take a lesson from the Jewish; black people are the strongest in the world, 3 generations of slavery and were still here. They can't physically kill us so they try to do it mentally, don't let them win.

I remember that night

Thank God we used a condom

Everything was right

But thank God we used a condom

Those soft sweet lips tracing the pulse of my neck, don’t think I’ve felt better yet

But thank God we used a condom

You whispered things I’ve never heard, felt passion flow through you every word

But thank God we used a condom

My legs shivered uncontrollably, the intimacy, you just holding me

But thank God we used a condom

I yearned for you deeper, you constantly made me weaker

But thank God we used a condom

You caressed me as we laid, this was the type of loving that made time fade

...Thank God we used a condom

This loving was so good it had to be shared

Thank God we used a fucking condom

It was true everything I feared

Thank God we used a fucking condom

I wasn’t the only women you went inside, your penis had to much pride

Thank God we used a fucking condom

The black book was used so much it was worn out, found out about the other bitches you tore out

Thank God we used a fucking condom

How many kids do you have now? When were you going to tell me this is how it goes down?

Thank God we used a fucking condom

You weren’t about to burn me, you weren’t about to hurt me

Thank God we used a fucking condom

You told me we didn’t need it and it felt better without, little did you know how much I loved myself

Thank God we used a condom because I would be laying right beside you, kicking myself for the obvious I should’ve knew

A short period of pleasure is not worth what you are now going through

Call me conceited...

I'm going to allow you to acknowledge how cocky I am. Realistically speaking I can make anyone fall in love with me, I think its the spell of the Scorpio. Its just something I'm good at. I'm so good at reading people that I know how to get inside their head, I don't even do it on purpose anymore it just happens. "They just want to sleep with you" yadda yadda yadda WE OFF THAT! Waste dudes get weeded out early. My alias alone demands respect "Miss Mullings" don't wear it out. When you're single you need: a man to talk to late nights, a man to take you out, a man to crush on, and a man to fuck; you're only job is to make sure all 4 of those are with different men once they start compelling, you got a problem or potentially a man. I enjoy all 3 of mine I love this game and I play it well; still on the hunt for a missing link, but I got a few options I'm not even sweating it.

"Hey you! Its me again!"...that's just how I imagined being able to talk to you but it comes out different. It comes out silent. We are so different but understand each other so well. I want to feel more comfortable with you aside from the intimate level because we definitely got that. I don't want love from you I just want you to acknowledge that thing we both aren't trying to put our finger on. We've ignored it so long it just keeps growing. I remember everything lol trust me, it really seems like yesterday. If we ever become anything less I just want to thank you in advance; no one (including yourself) knows what you saved me from. I personally think its crazy we still talk but you don't judge me nor do you get frustrated with me, you simply listen to my intoxicated ass and mock me because you know exactly how to make me laugh. You'll never know I wrote this because you're not from the same side of the earth as me, you live under this rock lol, but by now you should know all this without me saying it. 

I reminisce

So check it...remember when we were younger and we use to live simple lives; not a care in the world. Life seemed black and white, school and then play. I always thought that when I was 18 I'd live on my own and have a whip and be a big woman. I didn't think I'd have these many burdens and be this confused about my life's path. In this stage I just feel like everyone's tryin to impress everyone, no one really themselves, appearance defines us. When we were younger we had this wild imagination, we didn't really care about what a person possessed but more so who they were and what they meant to us; people impacted us. I know I can never get those times back but the thought makes me chuckle when I'm alone with half a glass of rum.

Made Me Chuckle

So today I wore my hair in an afro and wore a nice long earth tone dress with a cardigan; I was quite covered up but still had a little fly going on. I've sported a style similar to this twice before and the same shit happened. A black man approached me with how he's different from other men because he loves his natural black woman lol. Listen here, you don't give a fuck about my fro you were just tryna get brownie points by pointing out the "natural" look I possess; and "different from other men" *puzzled face* the ones I talk to don't seem to mind so unless you have an extra ball or something just chill. I have to admit it always makes me laugh.