1....2...3

Have you ever made a decision with NO second guessing involved; I think they call it gut instinct....well that is what's carrying me right now. I haven't been down, I've been fucked over heavy this week, but definitely not down. I'm trying everything to avoid the point of stress/downage because its definitely not good for the soul. On another note I went to a party and the host through something out there that actually was intellectual as drunk as he was; he sed "some of you are here because your relationship has turned into more of a routine". That statement really made me think, like is that when your relationship because the brother and sister relationship lol....damn that sucks....n e ways this was just a pop in... I wrote a good piece the other day bu I was so drunk I prolly didn't post it

Sigh

This weekend should be called MEN because that's what it was full of. Am I complaining? Hell no; it was a beautiful thing. I like to flirt a bit, but don't we all. I've had two on my mind for some reason or another...maybe cuz i haven't had dick in so long that's all i can think about.....*sigh* pitiful. I'm not the greatest listener but if you show me something real I have no other option but to listen. I seem to have an intimidating persona when it comes to these guys, they come on strong but then don't follow through....u know what I say to that NEXT...show me what separates u from the rest, its not enough to stand on the sidelines n expect action...on another note I haven't fulfilled any of my sexcapades *sad face* signing off

Oldy but Goody

So I bumped into an old friend of mine...he was a little more than that. Its nice to see that he was doing so well, he looked graceful and he's well stacked (no gold digger). His charm didn't fade he still has that stupid attitude but the courtesy and all a that was still there. Conversation was flowing like we were walking down the block just yesterday; he didn't forget a thing and neither did I. We had a lot of unfinished business...not sure if we're going to finish it. I'm screaming that I'm not ready to take it to any level with anyone, but that's just inside. I trust him and he's different from what I've been dealing with. For instance the guy I met in Feb reminds me of my lover...I have a love hate relationship with that dude so I'm not really trying to go that route, this dude was always different. He walks with his confidence on his forehead and we have intellectual conversations, and....fuck it I'm just jonesin'. I've been single for three years and haven't fucked in a while this type of shit gets me excited bare with me lol...Nothing like an oldy but goody..

The Man in my Life

What defines a man? Its obvious everyone has their own idea of what a man is. Mine is someone who's there when most needed and satisfies the emptiness with in me. I have that and maybe that's why I'm so happy being single. I don't have to worry about the one giving mixed messages trying to make me fall for him just so he can feel more boosted than he obviously already is; I can talk to him daily and still keep my heart in that same cage it stays in, I've already played this game before. I don't have to worry about the one who doesn't know his identity and is heavily self conscious about himself therefore always hops on the defense, and following that comes to the realization that every time he tries to hurt me he hurts himself. No I don't worry. I have a man in my life. He doesn't even speak, he communicates with me through my body and makes me feel ways I've never felt, the good times are good, and the bad times don't exist. To the guys I talk to...I don't need the lies, I don't need your comfort, most importantly I don't need you! I have a man in my life.

...Not so happy realization

Today was as grey as the sky was...I couldn't help but think; a feeling can alter overnight. You know what, maybe it wasn't overnight, maybe it just came to my attention today, I mean like really struck me. I've been constantly ignoring my relationship with people and started concerning myself with accepting them for who they are if that makes and sense to you. Let me break it down a bit. I've been preaching to others that they need to understand that's just how that person is and that's just who they are and you just have to accept it. The reality is that you don't. The same people that I defend with the whole "acceptance for who they are" argument have undeniably been the same ones who I've had a hard time coping with, and what I'm holding onto is a friendship/relationship that "was". I know longer share that bond with them, we no longer have the same morals, shit, we can't even see eye to eye; but silly me, I forgot that in order to fly higher you have to drop weight. Now that I've accepted them for who they are and they still bug the hell out of me every step of the way its time I distance the relationship we have. The argument would be "why don't I just work on it?" well this is their character and the person who they are inside gets on my last nerve so there isn't much to work on. Friends are now acquaintances. Sorry to say.

I'm so confused

The argument of conforming is debatable, agreed; but when you literally sit there and pursue a whole fucking lifestyle based off of people you see on television who you don't know its actually disgusting. Waka Flocka can't even read properly but has convinced guys to put on fake dreads so they can wave them around? Wiz khalifa and Chris Brown put blonde in there hair so that was added to the acceptance list. I seen 16 girls with Rihanna's shoulder tattoo and countless with her shocking red hair. Dudes have tattoos literally from head to toe, special thanks to Khalifa Wayne and Ross. Girls predominantly wear wigs/lacefronts and are pronouncing themselves as a "bad bitch" shout out to Nicki. Black people... we need help, our community needs help. No one wants education they want Maybach's and fat asses. The gay community has risen up overnight that's another trend that sickens me to my stomache, being gay is not cool don't fucking do it to be cool there are actually people in this world who are really homosexual you are insulting them! Oh how can I forget crack cocaine; its the new trending thing to "joke" about it....no these artists actually take it. The media promotes population control so any music preaching about drugs, guns, money and sex shall flourish because people are dying for these lifestyles literally. The black people need to take a lesson from the Jewish; black people are the strongest in the world, 3 generations of slavery and were still here. They can't physically kill us so they try to do it mentally, don't let them win.

I remember that night

Thank God we used a condom

Everything was right

But thank God we used a condom

Those soft sweet lips tracing the pulse of my neck, don’t think I’ve felt better yet

But thank God we used a condom

You whispered things I’ve never heard, felt passion flow through you every word

But thank God we used a condom

My legs shivered uncontrollably, the intimacy, you just holding me

But thank God we used a condom

I yearned for you deeper, you constantly made me weaker

But thank God we used a condom

You caressed me as we laid, this was the type of loving that made time fade

...Thank God we used a condom

This loving was so good it had to be shared

Thank God we used a fucking condom

It was true everything I feared

Thank God we used a fucking condom

I wasn’t the only women you went inside, your penis had to much pride

Thank God we used a fucking condom

The black book was used so much it was worn out, found out about the other bitches you tore out

Thank God we used a fucking condom

How many kids do you have now? When were you going to tell me this is how it goes down?

Thank God we used a fucking condom

You weren’t about to burn me, you weren’t about to hurt me

Thank God we used a fucking condom

You told me we didn’t need it and it felt better without, little did you know how much I loved myself

Thank God we used a condom because I would be laying right beside you, kicking myself for the obvious I should’ve knew

A short period of pleasure is not worth what you are now going through